Feelings

A person can get their feelings hurt pretty badly. I know I can. So people please respect one another.

Family

My family came to visit me the other week. Family consisted of my brother and sister. One just got out of the military and one is going into the military next summer. We had our fun running around having a blast. They then left and I miss them. Since moving clear across the country from them, I can't just stop by and say hi. I have to jump on a plane and say hi. Which I don't do often.

The sister is heading to the Army next summer after graduation. Of course I do worry about her. I hope that she will be all right.

My brother may be gay. Yes he may be gay. Interesting. and he was a marine.

Reading

I came across a blog the other day about a woman who is having some problems with her husband. He is cheating on her and they have 3 kids together. I posted a comment on her site telling her to leave. I hope she listens. I do understand that she doesn't want to move back in with her parents and admitting that she "failed". If she reads this blog of mine I have some advice for her.

YOU DID NOT FAIL. NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO DECIDES TO CHEAT ON THEM. CHEATING IS WRONG.

So Stephanie, please leave him. You don't need this in your life. I know from experience. My ex-boyfriend who is the father of my child, cheated on me but refused to leave me because he didn't want to pay child support. Took me 2 years to finally say that I didn't care anymore. Now I am married to a wonderful man who treats me and our son like gold. My ex-boyfriend gave up his rights and my husband adopted our son.

It will be all right.

Trying to survive

I really hate it when one comes up to me and thinks they know it all. No one knows it all. Not even me.

A new beginning

Why is it that when you want to go to bed but you can’t because you have all these ideas and other items pop into your head and you can’t sleep so you head down to the office and start typing away.

I started thinking about my older sister for some damn reason. We haven’t spoken civilly since May of 2004. She got upset with me because I defended my ex-brother in law (obviously her ex-husband). She was saying all this crap about him that I knew was not true but for some odd reason I beleived her. They were married for almost 11 years when he decided to cheat on her when he was away in Greece. (only to find out they had been talking about divorce for quite some time before he even left for Greece) But alas yes they were still married technically. So things went to shit when he called her and told her he wanted to get divorced. So yada yada yada divorce boom done.

I was very supportive of her for the first couple of months but then when she started to tell these lies about the man, I started to question her on these accusations. I couldn’t believe that this guy would do half the things that she was saying. I kept on thinking to myself, he would never do that or this. He had been one of my best friends for so long that I couldn’t or wouldn’t believe it anymore until I spoke to him. I know I know I should have been on my sisters side but I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to confront him on this. So I did. I called him. I questioned him on all of those ramblings my sister would say. He was hurt and confused by my reaction and point blank asked me “We have been such good friends for these past few years you know me almost better than anyone knows me, do you really believe anything she is saying”. I caught my breath and slowly said “yes, I did.” And I apologized and apologized to the man over and over, hoping that he wouldn’t hate me. I knew that he didn’t hate me but I felt so horrible that he thought that I thought he was this horrible man. So he set me straight. He told me things that I didn’t even know about my sister. Things that I couldn’t even repeat not even to my own mother. There were so many things that my sister had done over the years in their relationship not too mention some things she had done to her own brothers and sisters that I was stunned. I was horrified, hurt, confused, over this information that I had just received. And then he said “I forgive you.”

Yes her ex and I still talk to this day. I want to forgive my sister and put all of this behind me but I can’t. These things my sister did are unforgivable. When I think about them I cringe. I cry because of what she did to me. The hurt she has caused me and a few of our other siblings is just so unbareable that I don’t ever think that I could talk to her again. I love her with all my heart but I just can’t forgive her.

And that is why I am up right now because of her.

The One

Starting Fresh

Have you ever just wished that you could go back in time and change everything that has happened to you in the past 10 years or so? Change who you are and what you have become? Life throws some twist and turns everyones way sometimes. It could be great but then again it could be bad. Life can be complicated but yet wonderful the next.

If I could go back 10 years ago and change a few things, I would. I would not have started dating this one guy who I spent 4 years with only to have him turn around and cheat on me and break my heart. Well maybe he didn't break my heart, I was ready to leave him anyways. But I know that I once he started telling me who I could and could not hang out with I should have given him the boot. But of course I was in love and that destroyed a few relationships I had with a few friends. Luckily, with time, I healed those relationships.

I also would have gone to college and not listened to that guy. I would have gotten my degree in Photojournalism and right now I could be in the midst of the Vatican City or in Iraq writing and taking pictures for all to see. But no, I chose to stay with this guy who discourged me not to do what I really wanted to do with my life.

But it is okey. I am now married (not to that guy) to a wonderful man and I have one amazing child who makes me smile even when he is doing something horrible. I live in the one state that I wanted to live in for pretty much my entire life. And I am happy. I may have not been able to do what I wanted to do before I started my family but at least I can say that I am happy. Happy to be in a relationship where I can do what I want. Happy to have that little man in my life who makes me smile. Happy to be alive.

The One